IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN || TWO YEARS LATER

If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be where I am today I would NEVER have believed you. Two years ago we were sitting by my mom's side knowing that any day, any moment could be her last, watching her slip away from us, knowing that there was nothing we could do to keep her here and that we had precious little time left with her. Two years ago I was heart-broken and I didn't believe that I was ever going to be able to move forward without my mom. Two years ago my marriage was falling apart, but I was so heartbroken over losing my mother, that I couldn't do anything about it. Two years ago, I was broken. I was afraid and alone. Two years ago, my life was shattered in pieces and I had no idea how to put it back together.

The last two years have not been easy. There have been many, many tears. There has been anger and pain. There has been laughter and joy. There has been heartbreak and heartache. There has been hope and healing.

And today?

Today I am not only living, I am living my best life, I am happy and I find joy in everyday. I have found a passion and a purpose. I have found ME. I'm not sure I can explain how much this means to me and how much it has changed my life and my view of those around me. I'm not sure I can explain my why, the reason why I believe photos are SO important and why I pour my heart and soul into every session. 

Six months ago I decided that I needed something in my life that brought me joy. I wanted something more. I needed to do something different. The last year and a half had been brutal and I needed something that made me feel like I was giving back, something that made me smile. If you have known me very long, you know that I am passionate about photos, documenting and story telling. I have bookcases full of scrapbooks from the last 20 years of my life. I have pictures of EVERYTHING. Just ask Tanner! 

I decided to put all of my faith in myself, and stop being afraid to fail and I invested in photography classes from Amy & Jordan Demos. I watched every lesson and I did EVERYTHING they told me to do, I learned how to shoot, and edit, I learned how to pose, I learned how to run a business and how to be successful. Then, I practiced and I prayed. Oh, how I prayed. I prayed that I would be good enough, that I would have someone who would want me to take their pictures. I prayed that I would be able to JUST cover the costs of the classes with new clients. I prayed again that I wouldn't fail. 

Today I've updated my BLOG, and my FACEBOOK with a new logo, a new design and ALL new pictures that I've taken in the last 6 months. Not only did I cover all of the cost of the classes, but I've more than tripled the amount the classes cost.  I was able to take Tanner to see Les Miserables, I was able to go home to Utah, I was able to pay off some debt. I am SO DANG PROUD of where I am today!!!! I am SO DANG PROUD of the work that I am producing now. I am confident that I AM good enough. I am confident that I know what to do to get the kind of images I want to get, EVERY TIME!!

In addition to the classes, I have gained an entire community of photographers around the world who cheer for each other. Who help each other, who answer questions and give guidance. I have made so many new friends and have received so much love and guidance from this whole new community. I didn't expect this when I signed up for some online photography classes. {they are SO MUCH MORE than just classes!!}

I didn't expect this to change my life so much. I didn't expect to find so much Joy and feel so fulfilled. 

This was taken by my new AJ Friend Emily Broadbent

I sit here tonight with tears streaming down my face in gratitude to a loving Father in Heaven who NEVER gives up on me even when I don't have enough faith in myself. He directs my life every day. I KNOW that He guided and directed me to those classes. I know that it was exactly what I needed RIGHT NOW in my life. I know that he is aware of me and my needs. I know that he provides for me and that he will NEVER leave me to figure it out on my own. I know that I can trust Him, because he is the same today, yesterday and forever. 

I can't help but think that my angel mamma is up in heaven CHEERING with me tonight. I feel her with me often, but tonight I wish I could call her and hear her tell me that she knew I could do it, that she always believed in me. I wish I could show her how far I've come. {I'm sure she already knows}. I feel her guidance. I feel her love. I know that she is watching over me always, but I am so grateful that I have felt her so close as I have taken this huge step in my life. 

I love you mamma. I miss you every minute of every day. I don't know how I've lived 2 whole years without you, but I have. I've made it and even though I can't see you, I can feel you in my life and I know that you are so proud of all the hard work I've been doing to learn and to grow. 

I love you more!!

IF YOU GOT THIS FAR: In my mamma's honor, I'm giving away a FAMILY PHOTO SESSION {$295} VALUE, go to my Pinned Post HERE to find out all the details!!